A Series of States Funny
by MisterHaudi
Summary: I was gonna put crack, but that is an art on its own. A Series of Funny with the States of America
1. Voting out one of them

Swears and inaccuracy

* * *

It was anyday, any conference, but this States conference had no plans, so for shits and giggles, they decided to vote for one state that they would trade.

D.C. held his phone, using an online voting poll, "Alright then, the votes are in.."

The room was silent, waiting for the results.

"And the state that would be..."

_Drum roll_

The results appeared.

**1\. ****Mississippi**

**2\. Texas**

**3\. Florida**

**4\. Alaska**

**5\. Either Dakota**

"These are the top results!" D.C. sat on a table, "I'm too lazy to show the whole thing."

"Why heck do ya'll want me gown?" Mississippi asked, looking offended.

"ITS CAUSE YOU SUCK BUTT!" One state shouted out.

"Thats mean!" New Mexico cried out, "Without Mississippi, I'll be the worst state!"

"Mexico Jr. is right! Mississippi makes everyone look good on the stats!," Alabama added.

"Close enough..." New Mexico said with a defeated tone.

"You guys only have Mississippi's back cause you all are the brokest.." California commented.

"... I'm actually getting a lot better, but you wouldn't know that..." New Mexico muttered.

"We still need Mississippi to look good.." Alabama stuck with their argument, even a few states agreed.

Mississippi shedded a few tears of joy, "Ya'll are some of the greatest broke pals a broke bitch can ask for.."

"You're welcome, please stay the way you are, Por favor?" She begged.

"Haha yeah, please?" Alabama asked in the sweetest voice they could muster.

Arizona leaned over to New Mexico's ear and asked her, "Aren't you still poor?"

New Mexico answered back with a whisper, "Yeah, but I ain't last like always.."

Florida on the other hand, looking at the results.

"Why the fuck do ya'll want me gone?!" He asked, with some annoyance in his voice.

"Your damn mosquitoes is what!" Georgia piped up, "They're the size of a fucking quarter!"

Several states agreed.

"Ya know what? Fuck you. I'll just grab my oranges, Disney World, Publix Sub, beaches, Pitbull, meth labs, mosquitoes, alagators, and find someone who will love me for me!" Florida spat.

"Good luck with that.." Some rival to Florida muttered.

"You can't secede!" Maryland scolded him.

Out the corner, a certain state with 'South' in the name, slowly creeps out the room.

"No one will notice if I simply.. Secede.." The State spoke out.

"Especially you! South Carolina!" Maryland turned to point at said state.

"Darn you.. ruining my fun.." South Carolina sat down.

New Jersey grabbed the phone from D.C. and looked at the poll stats, wondering if any voted for her.

"You could always ask.." D.C. said awkwardly.

She turn red and faced the big table with states chatting about the poll stats.

"WHO THE HELL VOTES FOR ME?!" She screeched.

New York, trying to eat his pizza trying to purposely look suspicious.

The red head marched up to him and got in his face, "Of CoUrSe iTs yOu! DaMn YoRkIe!"

(A/N: Is this a real insult used there?)

New York took his sweet time chewing his food, making hand motions that say 'I'm eating give me a second'.

Swallowing his pizza, he responds with, "I would trade you for a FroYo's stamp card with 7/10 stamps filled out in a heartbeat."

He continued to eat his pizza with a flabbergasted New Jersey.

"I second New York on that." Maryland added in.

With those States fighting, Arizona looked at Texas, wondering who he voted for-

"Ya wonderin' who I voted for? Well unlike you selfish states, I volunteered myself!" Texas answered him, all smugly.

_'Wait a fucking second,' _Arizona thought to himself_, 'How the fuck did he know?"_

Texas got up close to Arizona and whispered, "..I can hear your thoughts.."

He then went back to watching everyone and sipping his Dr. Pepper, leaving Arizona, and New Mexico who was watching it all, a little freaked out.

Colorado sat in the corner, drinking his apple juice, watching the chaos unfold.

North and South Dakota argued about the whole thing since it was meant for them to put aside their differences and-

"BECOME SUPER DAKOTA!!" Michigan announced quite loudly.

Some Canadian provinces wondered in cause why not?

"Can we have Alaska? For the maps to look nice?" Ontario asked.

"We are willing to trade our timbits." Quebec added.

"You strike up a good deal.. If that's the case, your gonna have to give us at least the same size of land Alaska is worth in your south region." Vermont stated.

"So more than 50% than our population?" Quebec asked.

"Sacrifices must be made for maps to look nice.." Ontario said.

"For the maps.." Alaska repeated.

Soon the meeting ended and one thing no one will ever found out, that Texas had a big gulp full of 5 Hour Energy that gave him the powers to read minds.

Also his truck got towed.

**T h e E n d **

* * *

Got this from an askreddit question


	2. Spying States

Florida, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and New Mexico were being nosey and spying on a world meeting, America told them to play kick ball but these states just weren't having it.

Florida, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey were the only ones interested, they had New Mexico tag long incase they get caught and they could pin it on her, jokes on them, she had other plans.

* * *

Out in the parking lot was Arizona, California, Texas, and Nevada. Arizona was playing some mad libs.

"Put that away, we're supposed to be the get away and you the get away driver!" California scolded Arizona.

"Give me a name of a bird.." Arizona requested, not listening to her.

"Booby." Nevada gave an answer.

"Bullshit! No way a bird is name Booby!" Texas disagreed.

"Oooh there's a bird named that," Nevada added.

* * *

Pennsylvania was topped by Florida, New Jersey, and West Virginia peeking in through a small crack in the door, while New Mexico layed on the ground, peeking under the door.

"Cars... So France is the one makin' Smart Cars..." Pennsylvania whispered and taking note.

"I could use a new car, just not a Smart Car..." West Virginia commented.

"You people are missing it, we need a ketchup simulator..." Florida complained.

"Oh god not this again..." Pennsylvania rolled his eyes.

"Guys... We really need some good alcohol though.. Some from Europe..." New Jersey complained.

"So you could get drunk and make more poor written dramas?" 'West Virginia' whispered loudly enough for 'his' insult to reach New Jersey, 'his' comment infuriated the young tan.

"THE FUCK YOU SAY WESTER VIRGINIA? I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF A NICE SONG IS NAMED AFTER YOU, IF YOU WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE CAUSE I'M RIGHT HERE GODDAMNIT!!" She shouted right in the young man's ear.

Wester Virginia looked speechless and shocked. He slowly shook his head, "I didn't say anything like that... Believe me New Jersey..."

New Jersey gave a confused look, "But you-"

At that moment, the door swung opened by an angry America, giving a death glare, while other countries in background stared. Then Florida heard the faint sound of foot steps retreating, he turned and saw New Mexico's figure turn a corner, running.

"NEW MEXICO!! GET BACK HERE!!" Florida pushed the other states off and started to chase her.

New Mexico turned on her apple watch and called Arizona, who was waiting in a car outside with Texas, Nevada, and California.

"GET THE CAR GET THE CAR IT'S GONE SOUTH _HERMANO_!!" She screamed, sorta startling the states in the car.

Now Pennsylvania, W. Virginia, and N. Jersey were on the chase, with America close behind, telling them to stop running.

"I WILL LOCK YOU CHILDREN UP IN ALCATRAZ IF YOU DON'T STOP RUNNING!!"

New Mexico pushed through the glass doors to the front of the building, were Arizona drove up in a convertible, with California in the passenger seat and Texas and Nevada in the back seat.

She jumped in the back, being helped by Texas and Nevada and speeding away when California gave the go, with Florida grazing the car, almost grabbing New Mexico.

Now the only thing Florida, W. Virginia, N. Jersey, Pennsylvania, America, and some other countries whom were watching through the windows could see was the back of the convertible and Texas pulling down his pants to show his butt, only to be pulled down by New Mexico and Nevada when Arizona drove through stick barrier, but they didn't pull him down in time and the stick barrier had rolled on the car and hit Texas on the forehead and fell on top of the two now screaming states because of the pantsless Texas.

And that was the last time the four states brought New Mexico on their spying sessions or spied again after America made them clean California's sewers of any clogs.

Arizona was able to finish his mad lib and it was funny.

**The End**

A/N: Pulled this from my amino, it needed to be revised


	3. Mad Libs and Old People

Arizona filled in the blank spaces of the sheet of his Mad Libs.

"Noun.. Person, Place, or Thing.." He mumbled to himself, "Lets try shoe.."

Florida, sunk in the back ground, planning on how to send the seniors at his pad over to Arizona during the winter, a Senior War between them. It was still hot and since Arizona's summer isn't Florida's summer, and Arizona lives in an oven, Florida was sorta sweating, cursing the dry air.

"How does he stand this?" Florida muttered.

"Hm.. Male name... Frank.." Arizona scribbled down, "Ah, its finished!"

_*Y. M. C. A. song starts to play*_

Arizona started to sing out the lyrics as he pulls out the source of the song, his phone. He answers it.

"Yo whose dis?" Arizona answers, "Oh hey man how's it going?!"

Florida decided to sneak around a little, thinking that Arizona's guard is down, he'll map out the place for the old people invasion.

"Yeah? Oh yeah man.. Naw dude, I say Florida, he sucks the worst man" Arizona said on the phone.

This news, this news brings Florida's ears, as he listen's to more of Arizona's conversation.

"It's cause he thinks that he's the best man, oranges? I hate to say it but California's is better, and the mosquitos? No thanks man, the only thing cool about him is the Disney world, other than that, why is he even around? And don't get me started about the music that comes out-"

"STOP TAKING ABOUT ME!!" Florida shouted, clearly hurt.

Arizona stops taking on the phone and stares at the State before him.

"FuCking stupid guy you aRe! Don't talk sHit about mY orangEs!" Florida spat before running out in tears.

After Florida left, Arizona went back on the phone, "Yeah thanks for calling, turns out Florida was coming over, I'm guessing to try and send more old people during the winter."

"No problem, can I ask how did you know?" The voice on the other asked.

"New Mexico, he came through her and she saw him and got excited." He answered.

"Why was she excited?"

"She gets really excited when people who aren't Texas, Colorado, California, or me visit, one time she called me rambling on about New York then hung up, turns out he was just on a small rode trip when he got drunk." He answered again.

"Alright, okay, how's the summer over there?"

"My car melted."

"... Well my pie is gonna burn, see ya Ari!"

"Bye."

* * *

A/N: That was fun, I didn't know what I was doing


	4. Teenage Walmart Cashier

Mr. Japan was at a Walmart after a meeting that was in California, USA. He was in line, only holding a few items.

When he was rung up, as the cashier, who happens to be none other than California herself, was scanning the items. She then grabbed the divider that Japan used to divide his things, searching for a scan code.

"How much was this?" She asks the Nation.

"Umm.. I don't know..?" He was confused.

She gave a "hm" and just placed the divider bar in his bag, not charging him, and he walked out with a divider bar from Walmart.

As he left Walmart, he wondered of he should have told her that dividers aren't for sale and are property of the store.

* * *

A/N: I was in Defensive Driving and my teacher told us this story as he held a blue divider.


End file.
